Attention: Tynoffer Common Public Meeting
Attention: Tynoffer Common Public Meeting
Tynoffer Common, serenity for all citizens
The Tynoffer Common working group, a task force established by the Tynoffer Municipal District subcommittee of the Greater Tynoffer Committee for the Preservation of Things Nearly Extinguished, would like to encourage citizens to attend a public planning session on Nov. 5.
Tynoffer Common is a publicly funded nature trail and peace sanctuary located just off Route 7 near the village of Tynoffer.
The Commons encompasses 1,000 acres of grassland, wetlands, as well as pine, spruce and cedar forest, with access to the banks of the famous Kokanee Kill.
It includes a main three-kilometre loop trail and a network of hiking pathways. Be on guard for bears and the occasional mountain lion.
Guided starlight walks leave from the main parking lot at 8 p.m. every Tuesday.
For information on the upcoming meeting, consult the attached agenda.
Tynoffer Common
A refuge cradled in the arms of bureaucratic protectionism. A most public space set aside for the peacification and serenity of all.
Notice of public meeting
A Nov. 5 public meeting is planned to gather public input and discuss land-use usage and proposed developments in Tynoffer Common.
Agenda:
Item 1 — Corn Proposal
A corn maze has been proposed for the southeastern section of the Commons, next to the parking lot, to be used in conjunction with harvest festivals and Halloween functions.
Dr. R.J. Davidson, president of the Tynoffer Common Conservation Society, has filed a 62-name petition opposing the measure, citing that corn is not natural to the area and the seeding of such a field would contravene the Commons’ native-species-only mandate.
Members of the Greater Tynoffer Corn Enthusiasts have filed a 12-signature counter petition.
To quote:
The people of Tynoffer and the Greater Tynoffer region, have been disproportionately inconvenienced by the lack of fun corn-related activities in the area. As citizens, we ask only for a decent barbecue and a good game of Cornhole.
The public will be permitted to speak following presentations by both sides.
Item 2 — Construction Project
Guardians of Tynoffer Common are in receipt of a letter from one Raeford Morton Renfield proposing construction of a structure in the central forested area along Tynoffer’s Run. The size of the project has been reduced by one-third from previous requests, and the word “crypt” has been been replaced with “maintenance shed.”
GTC and the TCCS rejected a previous request, but a new $6 million funding commitment, should the offer be accepted, is now on the table. Donors have agreed to accept a “No Vampires” clause should the project proceed.
Item 3 — Path Maintenance
Due to the high levels of alkali in Alkali Lake, crews will start pumping water from groundwater aquifers into the lake to dilute alkali content. This may cause water to overflow the lake and spill over the main trail.
Hikers are advised to wear appropriate footwear and take provisions, should detours be necessary.
The Tynoffer First Responders & Ambulance Service reminds trail enthusiasts that alkali is not salt and does not taste good on ham.
Item 4 — Restricted Area
Brownies have allegedly been spotted in section 11A of Tynoffer Common. The area has been roped off from public access. Park officials are investigating the claim, saying it might have been otters.
Organizing an official Brownie count and determining how many Brownies are required to invoke more stringent Brownie protection measures will be discussed, along with any other shoe-related concerns the public may have.
Item 5 — Movie Night
Fruit punch and popcorn will be available in the AV Room immediately following the meeting. The movie Lost Highway will be screened.
For more short stories see The Underworld Vents table of contents at The Underworld Vents.
For the novel Three Lives.